


A Sour Taste of Words Unsaid

by CleverCatchphrase



Series: Of Two Minds [5]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Body Sharing, Frisk is in this but not IN this, I always spell masturbation wrong and AO3 never corrects me, I completely understand why though, M/M, Masturbation, Nightmares, Solo, a relatively little amount of porn, and a lot of plot comparatively, ball play, but with male body parts, gender neutral chara, gender neutral frisk, i think???, if you know what i mean, is that more accurate?, mainly Chara, pillow humping, rough and unedited, self-denial?, slight BDMS??, testicles don't get enough love in smut, this story is presented to you the same way I watch amature porn videos, when did my tags become a FUCKING ESSAY SECTION, who doesn't laugh at the mere mention of "balls"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:02:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9464417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CleverCatchphrase/pseuds/CleverCatchphrase
Summary: Chara's been having nightmares. They tell Frisk they can handle it, but can they really put their ghosts to rest by themselves?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> actual smut in chapters 2 and 4 if you're just here for that.
> 
> This story has been constipating my brain for the past three months. I'm not even gonna bother making the last two chapters super refined and smooth because I'm tired of rewriting it. So, sorry in advance if the second half sounds really rushed, because it was.

Chara hadn’t been sleeping well lately. 

Maybe it was seven years of witnessing dreams that allowed Chara to be good at recognizing them, or maybe they just had the natural inclination for the talent, but whatever the case Frisk was surprised at how frequently Chara could induce a lucid dream, taking command of their hallucinations and doing whatever they pleased rather quickly after they had fallen asleep. Yet for whatever reason as of late the skill seemed to have become lost to them, forcing them to endure whatever wild ride their troubled unconsciousness wanted to take them on. And none of the uncontrolled dreams had been very pleasant.

Chara’s dreams weren’t always the happiest; in fact they were rather somber and depressing. But at least those dreams made sense. Chara dreamed about things they missed, things they feared and things they hated, but in the more recent nights the root of Chara’s anxiety never made itself known. Often Chara dreamed of walking the halls of their adopted family’s home, searching in vain. What they were looking for, Frisk couldn’t tell. An exit? A specific room? All the doors led to more hallways and the floorplan constantly shifted behind Chara’s back, making it impossible to map out where they’ve already been.

Although Frisk couldn’t decipher the dreams’ symbolisms of endless hallways and doors, Chara seemed to understand, and it often led to them waking up still tired and in a foul mood for most of the day. On multiple occasions Frisk tried to get Chara to talk about it, to explain it so they could sympathize with Chara, but each time Chara vehemently refused, stating they could handle their own dreams and demanded Frisk keep their nose out of other people’s business. And for nearly two months it went on like this. Frisk reluctantly kept quiet and each night Chara walked a tight rope of trepidation over a pit of unseen threats. 

It was the second Sunday in January when things were pushed to the breaking point.

Switching control of Frisk’s shared body every other day always guaranteed one day of each weekend belonged to Chara, and you could bet they spent practically every minute of that day with their foster mother, Toriel. Chara was her second shadow on those days. No matter what she did or where she went, Chara was by her side, running errands with her and enjoying her presence if nothing else. Toriel enjoyed the company, even though she never caught on that it was her first human child spending the day with her and not Frisk.

On that particular Sunday, though, Toriel had wanted to go to the fabric store. Where Toriel found the time to sew and craft between her lesson plans and grading papers, neither Frisk nor Chara knew, but she somehow managed to balance the work load. And with the winter holidays passed, all the leftover festive fabric would be on sale, and she wanted to get the best deals she could. Chara tagged along eagerly, originally just to be with her, but once they got to the store everything changed.

Chara split from Toriel almost immediately upon entering; reaching out to the first bolt of fabric they saw as if their hands and the cloth were magnets. It was a shiny piece with sequins sewn onto it in layers. Utterly fascinated by the unique textures and weaves, they wondered up and down each isle, touching every type of cloth there is and getting lost in tactile overload. 

“Fan of textures, are you?” A stranger asked when Chara was distracted, causing them to go rigid as they sharply turned around. The speaker was a young black man with no hair to speak of, and wearing the green vest of an employee. He was probably only a few years older than them. His smile was warm and his eyes were friendly, but Chara was still weary and on edge from being surprised. 

“Would you like a sample book?” The employee asked, handing Chara a packet as thick as a phone book.

“Sample book?” Chara echoed, not making eye contact as they flipped through the pages. Each page had four perforated squares of fabric glued to cardstock with their name and information on the back.

“Yeah, it’s a promotional thing our store is doing to rival Jo-Ann’s and Hobby Lobby, but I mostly just want to get rid of them. They take up too much space. Want any extras for your friends or family?”

“No. Thank you.” Chara said stiffly, and rushed off to find Toriel. Human interaction was still a struggle for them when they weren’t the one soliciting it. They were getting better, but they still had their limits. They spy her in line at the cutting table, a cart full of wintery-themed fabric waiting to be measured and trimmed. 

“Oh, Frisk, there you are!” Toriel said, waving them over. “Be a dear and help pass me the fabric as they cut it for me, would you?”

“Sure,” Chara agreed without hesitation, putting their booklet under their arm to help unload the cart. All of Toriel’s choices had snowmen and snowflakes, winter birds and deer. Nothing too religious to Chara’s relief, but the very last bolt of fabric at the bottom of the cart made Chara stop short and waiver.

This one wasn’t like the others at all. It wasn’t blue and white or red and green. It was yellow. Lots and lots of yellow flowers. _Familiar_ yellow flowers.

Chara stared at it, entranced, not daring to touch it or look away. Frisk called out in concern, sensing their friend’s thoughts spiraling down to somewhere dark, but Chara couldn’t hear them.

“Frisk?” Toriel’s worried voice and gentle touch pull them back. “Is something wrong?”

Chara snapped their head from the fleece to her, but quickly looked away in shame when they saw the concern in her eyes.

“Why is this one in here?” They tried to ask non-accusing. “It’s not winter themed. It can’t possibly be on sale.”

“Oh, I know, but I thought the pattern was so cute, as soon as I saw it I knew I just had to make something with it. Do you like it?”

Chara was silent a long time before they answered. Frisk couldn’t hear what they are thinking, but they know it wasn't good.

“Yes.” Chara said at last, neutrally and without nodding. “Just looking at it… gives me some ideas.”

Toriel smiled at their response and took the fleece to have it cut, but Frisk was a little more nervous about the cryptic message. They didn’t have time to ask about it, though. With the last few yards of fabric cut, Toriel asked for help to the checkout line so she could make the purchase and head on their way.

* * *

Later that afternoon, when all the errands were done and the two were back at home, Chara retired early for the night. It may have not seemed out of place to Toriel but to Frisk it was definitely uncharacteristic of Chara to not want to spend time with her.

Chara lay in their bed, idly thumbing through their new book of fabric swatches while staring off into space. This book had hundreds of fabric samples that Chara had never even heard of, from areophane to zibeline and everything in between. Balbriggan? Ratiné? Sempiternum? How did you even pronounce half of these?

They hadn’t even noticed they had stopped and fixated on one particular piece of fabric until Frisk had pointed it out.

_”Is it really soft?”_

“Huh?”

_”The faux fur. You’ve been petting and staring at it for the last ten minutes.”_

“Oh. Yeah. It feels… really real.”

_“I bet the local animal shelter would let you socialize their cats and dogs. You could pet them all you want.”_

Chara smirked, a testy nervous smile. “Don’t… trust me around animals yet.”

_”Why?”_

“I’m afraid I’ll end up doing a Lennie Small.”

_”Who?”_

“Have you ever read Of Mice and Men?”

_“No.”_

“Oh. Well… all you need to know that animals can be… too small and fragile.” Chara explained no more than that. Frisk didn’t need them too.

 _”Oh,”_ Feeling awkward, Frisk hastily changed the subject. _“Say, what happened today at the fabric store? Why did you get upset at the flower print fabric?”_

A shadow fell over Chara’s face. They closed their swatch book and rolled over to look at the wall.

“It reminded me of something. Something I’d rather not think about.”

 _”Oh.”_ Frisk thought again, but didn’t let the matter drop. _”Do you want to talk about it?”_

“No,” Chara said sullenly. Man, it had been weeks since they had thought about... _that_. They didn’t like being forcibly reminded.

 _”Okay,”_ Frisk respectfully backed off. _”But know that I’m here if you do. I’ll at least listen if you don’t want me to do anything else.”_

“I know,” Chara sighed. “Well, I guess I’d better get ready for bed. You have school tomorrow.”

With that, they turn out the light.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I'd love to post my smut stories all in one go, this one is taking me waaaay too long to finish, and I'm just as tired of waiting as you guys are. I'll try to get the other half done by tomorrow. Sorry if the scant amount of smut in this isn't enough for you to get off to. I try not to make these too plot heavy in any one part, but I guess it was inevitable when I decided to make this a series with some sort of over arching story. (Still, I tried to water it down a bit instead of being overly detailed on every minute action. I'm honestly not used to doing this because it feels very "tell don't show", but I hope I still managed not to sound TOO hasty in the end.)

The dream Chara had that night was the most vivid one they’d had in weeks.

Chara had been dreaming of _him_ again, only this time he was actually there in the dream and not just some mythical object that they couldn’t track down. Yet even though he was there, he still felt so far away as Chara followed their best friend through familiar hallways and corridors of their adopted home. No matter how fast Chara walked, he always seemed to stay just out of reach. Chara tried to run but their pace was locked into a quick stride; a memory reminds them that Toriel forbids running in the house. Instead Chara tries to shout for their brother to wait up, but instead of stopping, he simply turns and waves, urging Chara to “come on!” and follow him “this way!”

Inexplicable sadness laces the dream in deep navy blues, like light through colored glass. Chara is _trying_ to keep up, but he won’t slow down, and no matter how much they shout, Chara’s voice makes no sound, muted, snuffed out.

He doesn’t stop as he takes turns left and right, and Chara panics each time he vanishes from sight, afraid they might lose him forever as if he’ll evaporate into thin air if they can’t see him.

Chara wonders where he’s leading them and the next second they know as if he told them through his mind.

“Let’s go to the surface, Chara! C’mon, you promised you’d show me one day!”

The mention of the surface sets off a myriad of emotions and memories in Chara’s mind. 

**_The surface. We can’t go to the surface. The barrier’s in the way. You don’t want to go to the surface. Other humans live up there. You can’t go to the surface. If you do, they will hurt you. They will kill you. They DO kill you._ **

Chara can’t let them do it. They have to warn him. They have to stop him.

Apprehension seems to be the key that at last breaks the spell and allows Chara to close the gap between them. Finally, they catch up to him, grabbing his arm in a vice-like grip that would surely hurt anyone of flesh and blood, but instead he just turns and smiles, innocent and trusting as ever.

“Yes, Chara?” He asks, his big brown eyes shining and attentive, his grin welcoming and patient, his white fur warm and soft and almost tangible.

And all at once Chara forgets what they were trying to say. The urgency stolen away like their breath when they gaze at him. Chara works their mouth but no words come out. Their worries for him, their fears for him. None of it matters now that they have him in their grasp, and they don’t ever want to let go.

And then Chara realizes what it is they truly want to say, what they’ve always wanted to say, what they should have said long ago but never had the courage to do, what they could say now without repercussions because they’ve realized this wasn’t real and even if they said it, it wouldn’t change anything because the past is past, but the feeling is still so strong it almost hurts to admit it out loud.

They loved him.

But he betrayed them. He doubted them. He died and by extension killed Chara a second time.

How could they love someone who would give up on them like that? To fail them, to ruin _everything?_

And yet the feeling was still too powerful to deny. 

They STILL love him. 

They will always love him. 

**_No!_ **

Chara fought against it, thrashing against the dream with every ounce of willpower they had. They couldn’t feel that way about someone like that. They shouldn’t feel that way. They WOULDN’T feel that way!

They’d wake up. Wake up! _WAKE UP!_

Chara almost cries out in pain as they rip themselves out of the dream and back into the waking world. The transition so violent they give themselves nausea.

Their mind was working overtime, frantically scrambling together composure. They were awake. The dream was over. Those memories were in the past. And yet the feelings lingered like a stubborn stain on their heart. Lying on their back, Chara grabbed at their chest, squeezed tight with heartache. The residual sorrow they felt morphed into annoyance and after a bit of readjusting Chara realized it wasn’t only their heart that had been reacting to the dream.

Lashing out in irritation, Chara kicked their bed sheets even further down the bed, their flesh crawling and hypersensitive to everything it touched. The room is suddenly suffocating. Even the air itself is too close to their skin.

Reluctantly, Chara dragged themselves to their feet, and staggered down the corridor to the bathroom. They flick on the bathroom light and instantly get flash banged by the harsh fluorescents. Half-blind, Chara turned the light off again and fumbled along the wall until they find the night light in the bathroom outlet. 

The smaller light is dim and warm and actually allows Chara’s eyes to adjust as they turn on the shower, and they feel Frisk draw back into a corner as soon as they realize what Chara was doing, still not entirely comfortable when Chara looks upon their shared body without clothes. Normally Chara would say something, but right now more pressing matters are at hand, and they strip without commenting on Frisk’s behavior, and start bathing in the icy water, hoping the chill would wash away all that uncomfortable heat. Grabbing the soap and washcloth, they scrub themselves down, overlooking the elephant in the room (or rather, the tub) but even after a few minutes of soaking it became apparent this particular boner of theirs wasn’t going to be one that could be quelled with the cold alone.

Chara exhaled a slightly larger breath of impatience through their nostrils. Of course they knew the quickest way to get rid of the problem, but when they thought about it, they couldn’t help but feel like they’d be getting off in response to _him_ , and he was the last person Chara wanted to think about if they ever touched themselves, no matter how desperate they were.

Chara sifted through their options. They could try ignore it and attempt to go back to sleep, but they knew from experience that sleeping while you had an erection wasn’t as easy as it sounded. They could just stand there in the shower until it died down on its own, but that could take literal hours seeing how hard they were, and that would waste so much water.

Water dripping down their face, Chara studied their junk, eager and waiting. A sadistic idea formed in their mind. Hm. Maybe they could relieve themselves without thinking of _him_. It was probably going to be more trouble than it was worth this way, but if the only solution to get rid of their boner was to get off, then they certainly didn’t want to make it easy on themselves in this instance.

Fingers creeping curiously down through their pubes, Chara carefully reaches under their dick to grab at their sack. A single squeeze is enough to arrest their lungs and their eyelids flutter for a second. The sensation is unexpected and not particularly pleasant.

Yes. This would work perfectly.

Loosening their grip, Chara rubbed their scrotum with gentle caresses, fingers no more than ghosting over their skin with only the faintest hints of touch. Their cock twitched, begging to be touched, but Chara refused, determined to make their self-flagellating as unenjoyable as possible. 

Gradually they build up to light groping; one nut and then the other, feeling each ball bend and slip between their fingers. Against Chara’s will, their hips buck only once, and they place one hand against the shower wall to steady themselves. With eyes closed they focus on memorizing their anatomy with tactile cues alone, slowly and carefully tracing every vein and capillary in the loose skin that cradled their testis. Noticing how the skin of their sack tightened, drawing their balls up as close as they could to their dick as the end drew near. Partly inquisitive, partly rebellious, Chara tried to stretch the skin out again to see if they could keep their testis hanging loose until the end.

Shower still running, they draw out the massage as long as they can, carefully adding more pressure and squeezing longer with each passing minute. A quarter hour in and all the gentle touches are nothing but a distant memory. Their grip is almost painful with how far they push themselves, but they endure none the less, partly out of self-punishment and partly just see how much they can bare. Chara works their sack like an udder of a cow, twisting and pulling to encourage their fluids to flow. Their pelvis continued to spasm and piston, their dick uselessly stabbing the air as it searched for friction always just out of its reach.

Like a hundred times before, Chara felt the familiar warmth pooling in their gut that signaled they were getting close. They pushed onward, thighs trembling, knees quivering, breathing rough and ragged. But this time that delicious warmth that spread through them felt closer to liquid fire as they sensed the trigger about to be pulled.

Right before they reach the brink, Chara let go of their nuts to aim their dick, pointing it at the shower walls instead of their chest so they wouldn’t dirty themselves. Every muscle tenses as Chara braced themselves for climax and they watch with satisfaction as they paint the tile was with a fresh coat of white.

Tanks empty, all the tension released from Chara’s shoulders and drains down the tub with their bathwater as they took several deep breaths. When they finally stop gasping like a fish, Chara reflected. They look back on themselves, within themselves, relieved to find that the emotional squall within them settle back down into calm waters. They no longer felt heartache. They no longer felt the longing. They no longer felt anything. Tying a towel around their waste, Chara stumbled back into their room and collapsed on the bed.

They exhale long and slow. There. They were right. They definitely proved they didn’t miss _him_ , that they didn’t still love _him_. The dream emotions were just a fluke, a product of a hallucinating unconscious mind and out of Chara’s control. Dreams weren’t symbolic. Dreams weren’t prophetic. Dream feelings weren’t real feelings.

_**But… if that were true… then what about Frisk’s?** _

Could Chara really say with confidence that subconscious feelings weren’t valid? If they followed that logic, then that would mean the unspoken feelings Frisk had for them were also a lie. They couldn’t have both and they couldn’t compromise without being hypocritical. So which road to take? To accept dream feelings as true and admit to still having feelings for _him_ , or deny and reject fondness of another? 

Or maybe, just maybe Chara was over complicating things and being greedy. What if Frisk’s dream feelings were just a mistake too, and they really didn’t feel that way either...

Grunting, Chara rolled over only to catch sight of their bedside clock, and all their current thoughts get put on hold. It’s already six thirty, Monday morning. There’d be no point in going back to bed now when they’d have to get up and get ready for school again in ten minutes.

Sighing for the umpteenth time this morning, Chara begrudgingly got dressed and headed into the kitchen for breakfast, wearing a perfect mask that gave away nothing of their exploits only a few minutes prior. Toriel was at the dining table packing the last of her materials before she headed off to her own school for the day, but looked up and smiled softly when Chara entered the room.

“Good morning, Frisk.” She said lovingly. “Getting an early start today, I see.”

Chara nodded and smiled without commenting, their mind still focused on other things. In the kitchen they reach into the cupboard for a bowl and whichever chocolate-flavored cereal they have in stock. They’re just about to pour a serving of cocoa pebbles when they notice something on the calendar…

It was January. An odd numbered month with an odd number of days. This would be Chara’s first time getting two days in a row and both those two days were on a weekend this year…

“Hey, Mom?” Chara starts without taking their eyes of the calendar, an idea forming almost faster than they can comprehend it themself.

“Yes, my child?” Toriel responds. 

“Can I… Is it alright if I spend The last weekend of the month at Asgore’s?”

Chara can simultaneously feel Toriel’s surprise as well as Frisk’s, both silently asking the same thing; _“Why?”_

“Of course, Frisk.” Toriel said with only a hint of concern. “I’m sure Asgore would love to catch up with you.”

“Thanks Mom,” Chara said, grabbing the milk carton and moving to the table with their breakfast.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Toriel ventured, “What spurred you to want to visit Asgore?”

Chara shrugged. “I haven’t seen him in a while. I just want to say ‘hi’.”

It’s a lie and Frisk knows it’s a lie, and Chara knows that Frisk knows, so they shove Frisk’s prying thoughts back onto their side of the mindscape for invading Chara’s privacy so they can eat their cereal in peace.

* * *

The conversations between Chara and Frisk are short and tense for the next three weeks. Frisk is polite enough not to pester Chara’s choice to spend their weekend at Asgore’s, but Chara can tell they’re concerned all the same. Still, they play along for Chara when their friend’s ask what Frisk’s plans are for the weekend when it draws near.

For the rest of the month Chara spent their weekdays spacing out and distracted, making it hard for Frisk to concentrate in class. Their nights are restless and exhausting. Chara doesn’t allow themselves to sleep anymore, and they jerk themselves awake when they do, afraid of what they’ll dream. 

The Thursday before the weekend comes, Chara packed a duffle bag of clothes and whatever supplies they think they’ll need. After some silent deliberation with themself, Chara went out to Walmart and bought a trowel and flower pot. 

_”Is that a present for Asgore?”_ Frisk had asked.

“Something like that.” Was Chara’s only response.

A strange uneasiness was felt by both parties on Saturday morning as Frisk ate breakfast. They switched control as usual once Frisk had finished, but to Chara it was as if they had been handed the baton in a foot race. As soon as they were in control, Chara was off and out the door.

Asgore lived across town in a lonely little neighborhood on the edge of urban civilization. Chara paced restlessly at the nearest bus stop and checked their watch nearly every other minute. The bus ended up arriving five minutes early, and Chara boarded the steps two at a time. They chose a window seat, and the bus rolled out on its way through the city.

Frisk was quiet for most of the ride, opting to enjoy the passing landscape Chara watched out the window. Their ride would be a while yet, with one change over half way through. Frisk knew the bus route by heart. Chara’s thoughts had been repeating it for days.

There’s a robotic voice that announces when each stop is coming up. An hour passes before theirs is said over the speaker, but Chara didn’t pull the stop chord when it comes into view.

_”Uh, Chara, our stop is coming up.”_

Chara stared out the window, acting like they hadn’t heard. Frisk worried but gave Chara the benefit of the doubt. There’s people at the bus stop. Maybe Chara felt like they didn’t need to pull the chord.

The bus pulled up to the stop and people got on. Chara didn’t move from their seat.

_”Chara, we’re here. Let’s go.”_

Chara continued to ignore Frisk’s thoughts as the bus pulled out again.

_”Chara, what are you doing? We needed to change buses at that stop. Why didn’t you get off?”_

Chara doesn’t answer and stares out the window.

_”Chara, we told Mom we’d be going to Asgore’s house. You can’t just change your mind and go somewhere else! Are you even listening to me?”_ Oh man, this wasn’t part of the plan. _”Chara this isn’t cool. I need to know where you’re taking us! I DEMAND to know what you’re up to! Talk to me!”_

**_”You’ll understand when we get there, Frisk.”_** Chara responded at last, startling Frisk into silence. **_”We’ll get to Asgore’s eventually. I just need to make a detour first.”_**

Their bus took them out of the city and through the suburbs until they’re in the rural part of the county. When it seemed like there’s no other life around for miles, Chara finally pulled the stop chord again. Their bus rolled up to a rundown bus stop and Chara swiftly got off. They try not to make eye contact with any of the landmarks or signs, but it’s no use. Frisk knows where they are.

Chara has brought them to the entrance of Mt. Ebott National Park.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use dreams and sleeping too much as a plot device and as a method to end chapters, and I want to apologize for that. Also I want to apologize for being a fucking liar. I thought I was gonna get both chapters out today, but this chapter ended up almost as long as the first two combined and now I'm too tired to type up the rest, lest I want it to come out extra sloppy. (I even watered this chapter down so much, I still can't believe it's this long) I also still gotta go back and revise the first two chapters to make sure everything is in the past tense, and I have work the next three days, so I don't know if I'll even have the energy to type again until Monday, so who knows when the last chapter will be out? I sure don't. Oh well. Spacing out the chapter updates will get me more hits anyway.

_”Chara, why are we here.”_ Frisk asked, making their question sounding more like an order. Chara didn’t reply. Instead they readjusted the duffel bag over their shoulder and began hiking one of the many well-trodden nature trails.

_”Chara, please don’t tell me you are planning to climb the mountain.”_

Chara didn’t reply.

_”Chara, you promised you wouldn’t Reset. If you do, you break our agreement. I won’t ever let you have control of my body again.”_

Chara didn’t reply.

 _”Chara, please, just_ talk _to me!”_

Chara ignored Frisk and broke off from the main trail that lead up the mountain, and instead headed west. They marched in silence for over an hour, skirting the base of the mountain until they reached a much quieter, more secluded area. After rounding one last bend, Chara found themselves at another rock face with a gaping black hole in its center.

The barrier. Or what was left of it anyway. Now it was just the old exit to the Underground.

Without pause, Chara began trekking into the darkness. After a time, their eyes adjusted to the dimness, and they began to recognize the familiar landmarks around them.

Asgore’s old garden had over grown with weeds and vines, left unattended for the past seven years. They exited the throne room. The path to their left, the basement, had been sealed off, but no doubt the coffins down there still remained. Heading right, they back tracked through the last corridor, its marble floors now dingy and dull with grime and dirt. The elevator still worked and Chara took it to quickly surpass Asgore’s old house. They make a quick change over in the core, through the MTT resort, down the second set of elevators in Hotland, past Alphys’ old lab, and then to the pier where they run into an unexpected acquaintance.

“Tra la la, it’s been so long since I’ve had a guest to ride in my boat,” said the River Person as they glided up to shore. “Where would you like to go today?”

“What are you still doing in the Underground?” Chara asked.

“There are no rivers close by on the surface I can ferry people on. I would not be the River Person without a river. And so I stay. Care for a ride?”

“Yes please. Take me to Snowdin.”

“Tra la la, and we’re off.”

The boat ride is silent and smooth save for the River Person’s quiet humming. Chara paid the fare once they reach Snowdin and hopped off, heading east.

The small village of Snowdin was like a ghost town now. All the houses were dark and the cavern was quiet and still with no music or voices to fill it. Even the very air seemed darker in the lonely atmosphere.

Chara paid it no heed as they shuffled through the forest, picking up their pace when they spied the old doors to the Ruins. They didn’t stop for a second as they entered the old purple catacombs, winding their way up the familiar stairs and through their foster mother’s old house.

Through deactivated puzzles, over crumbling walls and pillars, through piles of decaying leaves, Chara marched on until they made it all the way back to the very beginning of where it all started, as far back as one could go in the Underground.

In the last cave they stopped, studying the circular room illuminated by one shaft of sunlight onto the bed of golden flowers. All the flowers in patch had their faces turned up to the light, taking in as much sunshine as they could-

Accept for one.

In the very center of the bed, one flower grew alone, its petals drooping down and leaves hanging limp. If it heard Chara’s approach, it made no indication so.

Chara stared for a while, and for the first time that day Frisk finally felt like they understood. Shaking their worries aside, Chara spoke up.

“Asriel.”

The flower raised his head ever so slightly, but not enough to reveal his face.

“That’s not my name,” he mumbled, grumpy. “And he’s not coming back. So why don’t you leave me alone, Frisk.”

Chara studied him, their mouth drawn into a thin line. Frisk couldn’t hear their thoughts at all while they watched, unblinking, before they find the words they wanted to say.

“Frisk… isn’t here right now, Asriel.”

At first the flower doesn’t move, but he slowly straightened as he comprehends Chara’s words. As if in a dream, he turned around and looked at Chara in disbelief.

“…Chara?”

Chara nodded, tense and unsmiling. Flowey’s face breaks out into a wide grin before going back to uncertain.

“Wh-what are you doing here?”

“Something I should have done years ago.” Frisk could feel their heart race as Chara started to move. Something was up. Something was wrong. 

Chara stepped closer, shedding the duffel bag off their shoulder and pulled out the trowel inside. Its sharp edge gleamed in the sunlight as Chara raised it up.

 _”Chara wait! What are you doing!?”_ Frisk’s thoughts screamed.

Flowey screamed too as the spade came down. He flinched, expecting to be struck… but no blow came.

Quickly and carefully, Chara cut a circle around the flower and gently pried him out of the ground. They tossed the spade back into their bag and pulled out the flower pot instead. With careful fingers, Chara shifted Flowey’s squirming ball of roots from their hand to the pot as delicately as they could.

Flowey blinked a few times in shock before taking stock of his new location.

“Chara? What- w-why-?”

Wiping their dirtied hands on their shirt, Chara hefted their duffel bag back onto their shoulder. They picked up the pot before Flowey could ask any more questions and deliberately turned towards the cavern’s exit. “I’m taking you out of here.” 

Flooded with relief, Frisk’s thoughts turned to jelly. Chara didn’t- they were just- Yes, yes, this was okay. Taking Flowey out of the Underground was okay. Jeez, but why hadn’t Chara just _told_ Frisk in the first place instead of making them freak out? They would have understood. They would have helped them, even.

“Taking me…” A huge smile spread across the flower’s face. “Chara… after all this time… I knew you’d eventually come to me. I knew we were still inseparable after all these years!”

Chara didn’t offer any response, but Flowey didn’t need one. He was perfectly content to fill the silence with his own voice as Chara carried him back to the River Person’s dock.

“So Chara, what’s the surface like? How much has it changed since we last saw it together? Gee, it must have gotten boring if you decided to come all the way back down here to get me, ha ha. Uh… That’s a joke by the way. I’m not mad at you for taking so long. I never doubted you remember? I knew you’d come back.”

Chara was silent as they rode the elevators back up through Hotland and New Home. They don’t say a word when they exit again through the barrier and into the noon-high sun.

“Ugh,” Flowey sneered in the bright afternoon light. “Why is it so cold? The sun is out, so shouldn’t it be warm?”

“It’s January,” Chara explained. “A winter month. It won’t get warm for a few weeks yet.”

“Oh. Hm. The surface has changed a lot from what I remember. Was the human city always that big?”

“They expanded a little,” Chara said nonchalantly as they started hiking back to the bus stop.

“Hah. Humans, am I right? Can’t keep their grubby hands off any part of the planet, can they?”

“Mmhm.”

Back at the bus stop, Chara sat down and waited, eyes fixed on the road for any sign of the next bus. Flowey chattered away to himself, asking and answering his own rhetorical questions. The next bus came a few minutes later and picked the pair up. If the driver thought a talking flower with a face was unusual, they were smart enough to keep their opinion to themselves. 

Flowey went quiet when the bus started moving, captivated by the rolling scenery and sprawling city unfolding before him. He’s silent all the way back to the midway stop where Chara exited for the correct bus that would finish taking them to their true destination. It came a few minutes later and they boarded without a fuss.

“So… Where are we going?” Flowey asked when the dozens of identical skyscrapers passing by finally lost their appeal.

“To Dad’s place.” Chara said with no more explanation than that.

Flowey’s leaves droop and his expression goes unreadable at the thought of his father, but he doesn’t complain, and the forty-five minute bus ride is spent in relative silence the rest of the way. Chara couldn’t seem to get off the bus fast enough when they finally get to Asgore’s neighborhood and they speed walk up his street, eyes scanning for his house number. They have to force themself to calmly knock on his door instead of pound on it when they finally arrive, but thankfully Asgore answered within seconds.

“Frisk, what a lovely surprise!” Asgore smiled. Chara knew Asgore wasn’t really surprised at all. Frisk had warned him they were coming weeks ago. “It’s so nice to see you! Do come in!”

“Asgore?” Chara tentatively spoke up. “I brought a friend with me, and I was… hoping he could stay with you for a while. If that’s alright.” 

“Of course that’s fine with me,” Asgore said softly, placing one giant paw on Chara’s shoulder. “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine, and if they need help I’ll gladly do what I can.” Asgore looked around fully expecting to find another human or monster to greet but quickly realized that Chara was alone. “Er… where is this friend you speak of? They are not invisible are they?”

“Here,” Chara lifted the pot in their arms higher so Asgore could get a better look, and for the first time in close to a decade Flowey was face to face with his father. The king of all monster’s eyebrows raised in surprise at the flower with a face, but his attitude was warm and accepting all the same.

“Why, hello there!” Asgore said, friendly and welcoming. “And I must beg your pardon, but have we met before? I could swear I have seen you somewhere.”

“Yeah, once,” Flowey nodded, then muttered under their breath so only Chara could hear. “(In this timeline, anyway.) The barrier had just been broken. I… we didn’t get the chance to talk. I’m Flowey.”

“Ah-ha,” Asgore snapped his fingers as if the memory had suddenly come back to him. “Yes, that must have been it. That certainly had been a busy day, so we probably did cross paths at some point. It’s nice to meet you, Flowey. And please, do come in and make yourselves at home! You two must be chilled to the bone in this weather.”

Asgore stepped aside and Chara crossed the threshold. The first thing they notice is that Asgore’s remodeled his home to match that of his in the Underground, with a wing of bedrooms off to the right, and the dining room and kitchen off to the left. A fire was blazing in the den and the air smelled of fresh flowers. The only noticeable difference Chara could find was the lack of stairs directly across from the front door. Instead it was replaced with a sliding glass door that led to the back yard. It was uncanny how familiar and alien it all felt at the same time.

“I wasn’t planning on starting dinner for a few hours yet,” Asgore said as Chara wiped their shoes on the doormat. “Do you have any requests for tonight’s meal?”

Chara shook their head. “I’ll eat whatever you make. Is it alright if I go into your backyard?”

“Of course,” Asgore assured them. “Just be mindful not to stay out too long. Toriel will have my horns if I let you catch a cold.”

Chara promised and made their way to the sliding glass door. The heavy frame squeaked on rusty wheels as it slid open, and Chara was surprised to find it humid and warm despite Asgore’s warning. Their eyes scan the perimeter of the backyard only to discover that Asgore had converted it into one large greenhouse, the glass ceiling and walls trapping in whatever little heat given off by the winter sun. Every corner was filled to the brim of green plants and the air smelled of living things. 

“Heh, good job ditching him, Chara,” Flowey snorted as Chara moved to a sunny spot in the center of the garden. “But from that little introduction, I gather you don’t come here much?”

Chara shook their head as they sat down cross-legged on the grass. “Dad’s always busy with political stuff, and Frisk chose not to be the ambassador. I don’t get to see him very often outside of holidays and stuff. I figured he could use some company.”

“Wait, are you saying you just brought me out of the Underground so I could become his personal pet?” Flowey whimpered. “God, Chara, that’s soulless even for you.”

“No, it’s not like that,” Chara said calmly. “I wanted… I couldn’t stand the thought of you withering away down there. And Dad’s good with plants. He can take care of you better than anyone else.”

“So this is out of pity, then.”

“ _No._ ” Chara is quick to cut him off. “I… I really did want to see you. This was just the best way for me to do it. And now I know where I can always find you.”

“ _Gee_ , thanks a lot, Chara,” Flowey said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “So glad to know I can be there for you at _your_ convenience.” His anger was mocking but his smile was genuine, like he was pretending to be upset just to be funny, but Chara wasn’t laughing. “So, uh… what do you want to talk about?”

Chara shrugged. “Anything. Tell me how you’ve been, what you’ve been up to, whatever you want.”

“Really?” Flowey sighed. “Okay, if that’s what you really want…”

Flowey reported the happenings in the Underground since all the monsters left. The mice had taken over, but as of late there was an uprising of the spiders and snails. No one ever came, and nothing ever changed, so most of the years had blended together into one big blur for the flower.

Chara laid back and stretched out in the grass, absentmindedly watching the clouds go by as Flowey went on. His conversation topics drifted from current events to questions about life on the surface to his memories of earlier Resets to reminiscing about his and Chara’s adventures in the Underground.

“Chara do you remember that time when you tried to start a lavaball fight in Hotland after you got tired of snowball fights? And that time you pranked mom by putting a bunch of slugs in empty shells to fool her into thinking they were snails? Oh! Do you remember that time you tried to check out every book in the library to build a one-hundred _story_ house, Chara? That one still gets a smile out of me, funnily enough…”

Chara didn’t talk outside of the occasional hum of affirmation or grunt of denial. On the outside they looked calm and peaceful as they lounged in the grass and listened to their best friend, but the emotions in their mind told a different story. With their eyes closed, they could have been mistaken for asleep, not even paying attention to Flowey as he talked, but internally they were tense and hanging on every word.

Frisk didn’t know how to describe it. Chara was pretending to be relaxed, but couldn’t for the life of them understand why. Even under stress, Chara was not one to openly share their thoughts, but Frisk was concerned all the same, feeling a strong sense of anticipation and nervousness wafting off their mental roommate’s half of their mind, as if listening for some sort of cue... Chara was waiting for _something_ … but what?

Eventually Flowey ran out of anecdotes to bring up, so he decided to follow Chara’s example and turned his face to the sun, soaking up as many rays as he could. There’s a strange tenseness in the silence between them, though not an ounce of hostility had yet to be shown.

“Hey, Chara?” Flowey asked softly after ten minutes of quiet. 

“Yeah?”

“You’re not… still mad at me are you?”

Chara’s heart skipped a beat. They’re not entirely sure if it was Frisk’s or their doing.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean about what I said you ‘not being the greatest person.’ I… I-I didn’t mean it, you know. I-If I had known you were listening, I wouldn’t have been so hasty to say that. You came back for me, after all, which is something Frisk couldn’t even be bothered to do. You’re… you’re still my best friend… right?”

“I spared you, didn’t I?” Chara vaguely replied. “Even after I took down everyone else, I didn’t kill you.”

“Uhh, ha ha, no you didn’t.” Flowey nervously giggled. “That was a good prank you pulled on me! You just wanted to see what would happen, right? Just like me…”

Silence.

“Do you ever think about going back?” Flowey asked after a pause.

“Go back?”

“Yeah… like Resetting. Don’t you get bored?”

Chara hummed and plucked a blade of grass to twiddle with between their fingers. “I do get bored a little sometimes, but I don’t want to go back.”

“Why not?” Flowey pushed. “You haven’t seen every ending, you know. I could show you how to get them all! Don’t you get curious?”

Chara turned their head away from the flower. “Not so much anymore,” they admitted, unconsciously ripping up more grass. “I don’t really want to be a kid again… and besides, I’m not allowed.”

“Not allowed?” Flowey chuckled. “Who out there could possibly stop you?” Chara’s lip twitched.

“No one’s _stopping_ me from doing anything,” Chara corrected. “I willingly _agreed_ with Frisk to not Reset. And it’s that agreement that’s allowing me to even speak with you right now.”

“Wait, you mean you need _permission_ from Frisk to even talk to me?” Flowey snorted. “Are they the reason you couldn’t come get me sooner? I have to say I’m surprised, Chara. I never expected you to become a doormat, especially to someone like Frisk.”

Flowey meant it as a joke, and Chara knew that, but a white hot flash of anger flared in their mind all the same. They extinguish it quickly, expertly quenching the flame without out showing a single iota of emotion on their face.

“You should watch what you say,” Chara said indifferently. “It’s rude to talk about people who are listening.”

“Well, maybe those people shouldn’t eavesdrop,” Flowey retorted. “But tell me more about this “agreement” of yours between you two. I’m curious to know how Frisk got you on such a short chain. Knowing them, they probably made you swear to obey more rules then just no Resetting, didn’t they?”

“Geez, you make it sound like I’m their slave,” Chara muttered. “We take turns switching, alright? I get the even days, they get the odds, but January is a special case and I’ll get tomorrow to myself as well. I’m just not allowed to Reset or swear or hurt anyone and junk. It’s a completely reasonable trade.”

“Wow, Chara, I’m amazed you let yourself be pushed around so easily instead of just taking it by force! Giving up all that just to control this meat bag every once and a while? It’s not even a good one. I can’t believe you’d settle for so little.”

The embers of anger reignited into an inferno of rage in Chara’s mind. Frisk scrambled through the mental flames, desperately trying to blow away the smoke that was starting to cloud Chara’s judgement before they did something they would regret.

 **”Shut up,”** Chara hissed in their most threatening tone. **”You don’t know anything about Frisk, so do you _dare_ talk about them like that.”**

The flower quivered, finally realizing they had gone to far. “Ch-Chara, I-I-I was kidding! I-I-I didn’t mean any of that! Th-that’s just how we used to joke, remember?”

“Frisk! Flowey! Dinner’s ready!” Asgore’s voice interrupted from the house. “Come on in before it gets cold!”

 _”Come on, Chara, just let it go,”_ Frisk encouraged. _”He’s just fooling around. It’s okay.”_

 ** _”No it’s not, Frisk,”_** Chara bit back. _**”It’s never alright. Not even from him. I won’t allow it.”**_

“Ch-Chara?” Flowey tentatively asked when Chara remained silent. “Are you… You’re not mad at me, right?”

 _”Forgive him, Chara,”_ Frisk prompted. _”Can’t you tell he’s sorry?”_

Chara shut their eyes and exhaled slowly through their nostrils.

“No, I’m not mad.” They tell him at last. “Those jokes just aren't funny anymore, so you should stop telling them. C’mon, let’s go get some dinner.”

* * *

Dinner was hot stuffed vegie peppers. All the ingredients were personally grown by Asgore, himself, right down to the spices and seasonings. Conversation at the table was sparse. Asgore asked how Frisk’s classes was going and if they were excited about graduating high school this spring, and what Flowey thought of the greenhouse. Chara focused on eating so they didn’t have to answer, and Flowey explained that he couldn’t really eat, being a plant relying on sunlight and water and all. When dinner was finished, Asgore cleared the table as Chara went off to unpack their stuff in the guest room. 

“Hey, can I come with you, _Frisk?_ ” Flowey winked when Chara took their leave.

“Sorry, Flowey, but I’m really beat from my hike around Mt. Ebott today. I think I’ll go to bed early tonight.” Flowey’s leaves drooped and his smiles fades, crestfallen. “Hey, why don’t you get to know Asgore better, since you’ll be living with him.”

“Oh, please, what is there I don’t already know?” Flowey murmured, but didn’t argue back.

Behind a closed door, Chara threw themselves on the bed and let out the biggest sigh of exhaustion Frisk had ever heard.

 _”Are you really that tired from hiking through the Underground?”_ Frisk asked.

“I’m more mentally exhausted than anything else,” Chara explained. 

_”Then why’d you even do this in the first place?”_

“Because I needed to see,” Chara said. “I needed to remind myself what he’s really like. To prove to myself he’s not the same person I used to- …not the same person I used to know. That way I'll quit pining over my memories and all my bad dreams will stop.”

Frisk hesitated, doubtful of Chara's reasoning. _”Chara... I've seen you're nightmares, and I think the problem lies deeper than that. Are you sure just seeing him again will get them to stop? Don’t you think talking to him about them would be better?”_

“Talk to _whom?_ ” Chara spit, short tempered and cranky. They pulled back the covers of the bed and climbed inside, not even bothering to change into their pajamas or brush their teeth first. “He said so himself, Frisk. The person I want to see is long gone. Asriel is dead and he’s never coming back.”

With that, Chara ended the conversation and forced themselves into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen. You know why you're here, I know why you're here, you know I know why you're here. So as Sans would put it; Let's just get to the point.

Chara’s dream began rather promising. They were aware they were asleep, which was a good start and a definite improvement over the other nights, but it wasn’t stable. That awareness was quick to come and go, and they were hasty to unquestioningly accept their surroundings as reality at every subtle change. Fighting their constant short term memory loss was an uphill battle as they repeatedly had to refocus to confirm they were asleep, lest they completely lose rationality. Above all that, they were trapped in their old house again, unable to remember why or how they got there. They knew one thing for certain, though- there was nothing left for them here; nothing that they needed, nothing that they missed. They were ready to get _out._

They started testing door knobs while trying to remember in vain how to become properly lucid and take control of the dream so they could bend it to their will. But they felt that a piece of the puzzle was still missing, or rather, somehow the missing piece was being _blocked._

Snorting in frustration, Chara began systematically moving through the corridors for the exit. They no longer shifted or changed behind their back, but each one opened up to another hallway lined with even more doors, exponentially increasing the number of potential ways out that needed to be checked.

 ** _This shouldn’t be happening,_** Chara thought to themselves in one of their fleeting moments of clarity. They shut the door on another endless hallway that they agreed to check later. **_I saw him. I confirmed there was nothing left between us. Why am I still here? What else am I missing?_**

Chara forced their feet to get moving before they could feel existential about it. A dream was no place to ponder the significance of things when meaning itself had no meaning. Ugh, the house was like a maze. If only they could see it from the top to find out which doors to take so they wouldn’t waste so much time.

 ** _If only Frisk were here,_** Chara mused, remembering themselves how being a spectator in a dream usually gave you a bird-eye view of the scene. **_They’re watching. Somewhere. They can probably see the way out…_**

Chara paused for a minute, and in that brief period the line between lucidness and logic temporarily blurred.

 ** _I should find them,_** Chara deduced. The reasoning made perfect sense in their head. **_Yes, that will work. Find Frisk, and I’ll find the way out. They’re in here somewhere._**

With a new objective in place, Chara went off looking.

* * *

Frisk stood in the front yard to the old home of the King of Monsters. They had waited silently as the vision unfolded, taking shape and clarifying until it revealed the familiar silver and grey house, but once it came into focus nothing had happened. They continued to patiently wait, for the scene to change, for Chara to appear, for _something_ to happen. It had taken them weeks to accept that dreams that were not their own were not something they could control, simply rather had to be endured, so they were taken by surprise when they found that this time they could actually move around on their own free will.

“ _Oh, this is… different,_ ” Frisk thought as they looked themselves over. They were solid, (or as solid as one could get in a dream) with complete autonomy of their form. That was strange. They were never “real” in Chara’s dream unless Chara’s mind willed it so, and even then Chara didn’t really approve of Frisk interfering in their dreams. But right now Chara was nowhere to be seen...

“ _Well, Chara must be dreaming of me or I wouldn’t be here,_ ” Frisk figured, looking to the house once more as they tried to understand what this meant. Then, on its own volition, the front door swung open as if pushed by a gentle breeze, revealing an endless corridor leading into the house.

“ _Oh no, they must still be stuck in the house,_ ” Frisk worried, sensing something amiss. This was the first time Chara had dreamed of them as part of the nightmare. Should they go looking for them? Or wait outside? Chara had said they didn’t need help resolving the nightmare, and that they had taken care of it by seeing Flowey. They had fixed the problem… 

_But what if they hadn’t?_

“ _Well, if I’m here, then it must be for a reason. And I guess if I can move around and interact with the dream, I might as well put it to good use._ ”

With that, Frisk entered the house and started searching.

* * *

Chara must have tried over a hundred doors by now, but each one was just as pointless and repetitive as the last. Consciousness came and went more frequently, threatening to leave them altogether and submit to the will of their hallucinations. Chara fought it best they could, fought to hold on and stay alert, but they were beginning to get tired of searching, of remembering and forgetting and re-remembering what it was they were even trying to do. Find Frisk, find the way out, find Frisk, find the way out, find… what was it again? Oh yeah, the way out. And Frisk. Wait, how does Frisk know the way out? Or are they lost in here too? Is there anybody else stuck in this maze? How many people do they need to find, again?

 ** _Can’t stop yet,_** They urged themselves, shaking their head to ward off the mental fatigue and keep it clear, but it was getting harder to stay focused as cognizance came and went and they constantly had to remind themselves that they’re in a dream. **_Gotta find Frisk. Gotta find the way out. Gotta find… Gotta find… something. Man, why am I so tired?_**

They check another door at random, fully expecting it to be another hallway or dead end closet. They’re shocked when it turns out to be something else entirely.

It’s their old bedroom.

**_Oh…_ **

Everything is as they remember; the lamp, the book shelf, and the dresser are all in their places. Their bed is on the left side of the room, and his bed is on the right. 

His wasn’t empty.

 ** _Oh…_**

He looked up from the book he’s reading, his eyes lighting up with joy when he sees them, his dimples barely visible beneath his furry smile.

“Howdy, Chara!” He beckoned Chara to come in, moving aside on the bed to make room for them to sit. “You look tired. Come lie down. I’ll read to you, if you want.”

Tongue-tied, Chara obeyed, completely incapable of resisting. They’d do anything for him. They softly shut the door behind them and joined him on the bed, careful to keep space between them but unable to say or do anything else. They _were_ tired, after looking so long for… for… What were they looking for again? They were pretty sure it was important.

He started to read to them, and Chara nodded along, feigning interest. What he was saying was probably fascinating, but Chara couldn’t focus. Something was buzzing at the back of their mind, trying to remind them of something, warn them of something.

But the bed is so soft, and he was so near, and everything was so peaceful. Surely whatever the important thing was could wait. What even was it, again? They thought it had something to do with him… Had they been looking for him? Well, they had found him, so why did they still feel a sense of urgency at the back of their mind? Geez, they were so tired of it.

“You going to sleep, Chara?” He asked, gentle, considerate. “Ha ha, since you’re in my bed, does that make this a sleepover?”

Their thoughts go bubbly as they uncontrollably giggle at the not-joke. They didn’t know why they’re laughing. It wasn’t even funny. Ha ha, ‘sleepover’. More like ‘sleeping with’. Ha ha.

**_Wait._ **

The fuzz clotting their mind evaporated at once and Chara jerked upright, suddenly painfully aware of how close the two of them were. No, they couldn’t sleep with _him_. They _wouldn’t_ sleep with him! They didn’t even need to sleep at all! This was a dream! They had to get out, they had to find… to find-!

“Chara, what’s wrong?” He asked, scared, worried. 

Chara turned on him, frightened and confused. No, they shouldn’t be here. They shouldn’t be seeing him. They thought they had fixed the problem, but he won’t stop _haunting_ them. It’s his fault! They had to tell him that he had to go away, that he couldn’t see them anymore. It was going to break his heart, but it had to be done. They had to if they were ever going to get out of this never ending nightmare.

“Chara, you okay?” He asked in concern. He reached up to tuck their hair back behind their ears. There’s no sensation in the action, but chills run down Chara’s back all the same. “You look like something’s bothering you.”

 **”I… I need to tell you…”** Chara started, but got no further than that as their voice gave out on them. No… No, they were so close this time! God, why were they so _weak_ when it came to him? They have to tell him the truth! To clear the air! They have to make him understand!

In desperation, Chara reached out and grabbed his shoulders, but the touch is like an electric surge, instantly erasing every thought in their mind. Even in their dream, Chara felt their heart twist. They were so close again. So close to him. There was too much to say and not enough time. They had to get out the most important thing. They had to tell him… they had to tell him that they didn’t- that they still-

Chara is only vaguely aware of the dream shifting on the periphery of their vision, sensing the room tilt and turn. They don’t pay it any mind, they _couldn’t_ pay it any mind. In this moment the only had eyes for him. They still had hold of his arms, but instead of sitting up, the two are horizontal on the bed, him below, Chara on top. Chara remembered him mention sleeping. Suddenly that didn’t sound like such a bad idea. They’re with him now, and there’s nowhere else they’d rather be. They can finally tell him that they… that they-

The door clicked open, and a voice spoke; “ _Chara, are you there? I’ve come to help you get out of your bad dream once and for all. I know the way out. Come with me._ ”

 

Like a zombie, Chara looked up and instantly went horrified, their brain distorting what they saw. 

Frisk was there, standing in the doorway, and something was very _very_ wrong. They’re watching them, and when they make eye contact, something snaps, like a spell or mirage. 

Frisk’s expression… It’s confused- no- it’s surprised? No, that’s not it either. It’s… it’s-

It’s _hurt._

**_No._ **

Chara tensed when the implication hit. Frisk could see Chara and _him_ , and Frisk is _hurt._ Chara with him was _hurting_ Frisk. No. No, they weren’t allowed to hurt Frisk. They didn’t _want_ to hurt Frisk, but they were and they couldn’t stop, they needed to stop, they NEED to wake up. Wake up! _**Wake up, you’re hurting Frisk!**_

Chara let out a guttural scream as they tear awake, but the dream did not let go that easy. Frisk’s consciousness was virtually ejected from the vision as Chara flailed, desperately trying to claw away the lingering feelings that haunted their mind. Their thoughts were tossed about, repeating like a hundred audio tracks playing on top of each other at the same time.

_**”I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It was a mistake. An accident. I don’t feel that way. Not about him. They’re lies. Not me. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you! That wasn’t me. Not my feelings. Those were mistakes!”** _

_”Chara! Chara, it’s alright!”_ Frisk mentally shouted back, but it was like trying to stop a flood with paper towels. “ _I don’t know what you saw, but that wasn’t me, Chara! I’m not hurt! I know dreams aren’t real! I’m fine! I’m right here!_ ” 

It was futile trying to calm Chara down. They may have been awake, but their mind was still gripped in that oblivious state of sleeping where logic and reason had no hold.

 ** _”But I still feel- I still feel-!”_** Chara thought, and apparently they decided that that was the heart of the problem; the fact that they felt anything at all was the source of their trouble and it was too much to bear. Their thoughts a mess, Chara struggled to shake themselves free of the offending heartache, scrambling for a solution and only finding one. ** _” The feelings aren’t real. They aren’t mine. They’re all a lie. They have to go away. I’ll MAKE them go away!”_**

Itchy and hot and desperate to prove to themselves that their dream feelings were invalid, Chara rolled over and began stacking all the pillows on the bed. Their limbs were slow and uncoordinated as they dragged the four pillows together. 

Frisk’s voice was still trying to console them, but Chara ignored them as they prepared to cleanse themselves the only way they knew how. The duffel bag was just within their reach on the floor, and Chara stretched, fingers fumbling through their clothes to dig up the fleshlight that they had secretly packed with them. They hit hard plastic and fished out the sleeve then blindly explored its ends for the opening. Holding the toy in one hand, Chara awkwardly wriggled out of their briefs with the other while sucking on their tongue and cheeks to work up a wad of spit.

The iota of better judgement they still had nagged at them that they shouldn’t do this- that they should take the extra thirty seconds to turn on the light and find the bottle of lubricant they had also stowed away for this situation. Saliva should never be used; it dried too quickly. But at that current moment, Chara couldn’t care less as they spit onto the soft end of their sleeve and pinned it between the top two pillows before mounting the entire stack.

Straddling the pillows, they awkwardly tried to get a good hold as they frantically humped the cushions. The sorry bags of cotton offered no resistance under Chara’s weight and caved in, flimsy and flopping as Chara squeezed them to their chest. Their already-hard dick only ended up pushing the sleeve deeper into the pillows instead of actually fucking it, increasing their frustration by the second. Growling in agitation, Chara adjusted again, one arm around the pillows while the other hand held the fleshlight firm. It resulted with their body being bent over so far that their forehead touched the mattress, but at least this time everything stayed in place. Now with a firm mount, they’re actually able to penetrate the tube and quickly got down to business setting a brisk pace of thrusts, quietly grunting in time to the squeaks of the bed springs.

Just like they predicted, their spit substitute for lube evaporated almost immediately, leaving the silicone inside of the sleeve to pinch and pull uncomfortably at their skin. Screwing their eyes shut and biting their lower lip, Chara pushed through the discomfort until they worked up enough perspiration and pre to ease things along on their own. Finding a rhythm, Chara emptied their mind of all thoughts; the invasive feelings, their memories of _him_. They pictured themselves a machine; steaming breaths and pistoning hips as they mindlessly humped away behind closed eyelids. They focused on nothing but completing the task at hand. Their goal wasn’t to get off; it was to prove a _point_.

They didn’t slow, even as they felt themselves rapidly approaching the point of no return. Chara took a breath and held it, ready to drive off the edge at full force. Their orgasm is like a car wreck colliding into a wall at a hundred miles an hour as soon as they climax. Still, they kept pushing, their pelvis pumping away while they jet out their load, doing all that they could to make sure not a single ounce of longing would linger afterwards. They gasped in shock as their mind goes blank, and for one brief second, their solution worked; They felt nothing, they thought nothing. They were free of all emotion and feeling.

They crashed soon after, Chara’s body going from rigid and hunched to virtually limp and lifeless when the impact hits them all at once. Exhausted, Chara collapsed on the pillows. Their weight, off-center, caused them to topple to the side, and they dragged their tower down with them. With nothing to no longer hold it in place, the fleshlight slipped off their shaft and rolled on the mattress. Both dribble cum onto the sheets, overflowing and unable to keep it contained if they tried.

Sanity returned to them a few moments later as their mind came back down from that sensational high, but along with it was a devastating feeling of grief, slow but unstoppable like the incoming tide, overwhelming them, drowning them to all else. Their heart still hurt. They _still_ missed him. It didn’t work. None of it worked.

“No…” Chara sobbed, burying their face in their hands. “No… Why do I still feel- I still feel…”

“ _Chara… Let’s talk for a minute. Please?_ ” Frisk asked, spreading their presence over Chara’s thoughts like a security blanket. “ _I… I’m sorry. For interrupting your dream like that. I shouldn’t have. I know you don’t like it when I do._ ”

“No. Don’t be sorry,” Chara whispered. “I’m glad you did. You snapped me out of it before I did something I would have regretted. I should be the one who’s sorry.”

“ _What for, Chara? Dreams aren’t real. You did nothing wrong._ ”

“I’m sorry for everything, okay? For dragging you here to Asgore’s, for forcing you to watch all this. I thought if I saw him again, if I showed myself he really wasn’t there anymore then all these bad dreams would stop. But instead it just made it worse. I think I still… I think I still love him, Frisk.”

“ _And what’s wrong with that?_ ” Frisk asked through Chara’s hiccups. “ _It’s never wrong to love someone, Chara._ ”

“Yes it is!” Chara retorted. “I shouldn’t love him anymore after he broke his promise to me! I should love him after he let me die a second time! And most of all I shouldn’t love him because-! …because it isn’t fair to you and your feelings...”

Dumbstruck, Frisk tried to process their words. They must have been quiet a bit too long because Chara started speaking again.

“I loved him so much, Frisk,” They mumble, unusually still. “I loved him so much, I couldn’t stand it. I loved him so much that I would die for him. I _did_ die for him. And the worst thing is I never got to tell him how I felt before I died. He said he’d never doubt me, and then he went and threw away my sacrifice anyway. How can I still love someone who would turn on me like that?”

“ _I… I don’t know the answer, Chara,_ ” Frisk admits.

“I still love him.”

“ _I know. And that’s okay._ ”

“I don’t _want_ to love him, though.”

“ _Shh. I know._ ”

“I never forgave him for letting me die a second time. I _still_ don't forgive him. And yet I still love him. So why is it so hard to just. Let. _Go?_ ”

“ _Tell him how you feel about this then, Chara,_ ” Frisk urged. “ _Here, in the waking world, face to face with the actual person instead of in dreams. Confront him head on._ ”

“But he’s not really there. That’s not really him. It won’t make any difference.”

“ _Maybe not,_ ” Frisk agreed. “ _But what do you have to lose?_ ”

Now it was Chara’s turn to not answer as they stared off into space, weighing Frisk’s words.

“ _Chara… I bet you he still feels the same way about you._ ”

“I doubt it,” Chara said, finally sitting up and stripping off their clothes in order to switch into the fresh, unused pajamas they brought. “Flowers don’t have feelings.”

* * *

Chara was last to the breakfast table the next morning. Asgore had woken up before daybreak to make a hearty breakfast of pancakes and eggs and golden flower tea.

Flowey joked at the irony of a golden flower sipping golden flower tea, but Chara didn’t laugh along with him while they picked at their food.

“What time do you plan on heading home, Frisk?” Asgore asked as he cleared the table. “Not that I’m trying to rush you. You may stay as long as you like, and you know that.”

“Before dinner,” Chara said. “But after I’ve had lunch, if that’s alright. I’ve still got a lot of things I want to… discuss… with Flowey. Is it okay if I hang out in your garden again?”

“Of course it is,” Asgore smiled. “Young folk don’t appreciate nature enough these days. I’m glad to see you taking an active part to reconnect with it.”

“Thanks, Asgore.” Chara said, and grabbed Flowey’s pot before heading into the backyard. 

“So, how’d you sleep last night, Chara?” Flowey asked, trying to be conversational. “I slept surprisingly well. I guess being in the open air is good for my roots or something.” His tone was a lot less enthusiastic than it was yesterday now that all the excitement had died down, or maybe the thrill of seeing is former best friend had worn off.

“I slept fine,” Chara lied as they sat down cross-legged in the center of the greenhouse with the pot in their lap. “Hey, Asriel… Can I… ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure… what is it?”

Chara swallowed a nervous lump in their throat and began to speak. “Yesterday you told me that… ‘Asriel’ was no longer your name. Is… is that true? Do you no longer feel like Asriel?”

Flowey was quiet for several seconds as he considered the question. He looked away from Chara’s face while they thought, turning it towards the early-morning sun.

“Well, if I’m being honest, I don’t really _feel_ anything anymore, Chara. Not emotion, not opinion. Even everything that I did yesterday was more or less an act now that I think about it. I was just behaving how I thought I was supposed to behave around you. So I guess I should say no, I don’t feel like Asriel anymore.”

“Okay.” Chara said, preparing their next question. “Do you want me to keep calling you ‘Asriel’, then? Or should I start calling you ‘Flowey’ from now on?”

“You can call me whatever you like, Chara. I don’t mind since it’s you. You just need to keep in mind that I’m _not_ Asriel anymore, so don’t expect me to act like him.”

“That’s what I was afraid of…” Chara muttered. “You have all of his memories, but you aren’t him.”

“Exactly. That’s how I see it anyway.”

“Hey, since you have all his memories, do you remember… how he felt about me?” Chara asked suddenly.

“How could I not?” Flowey rolled his eyes. “They’re the strongest memories I have. So much happiness and love. I… I can’t even feel those things, but I know there’s a lot of it there in the memories with you. That’s why I held on to them so long. I kept hoping… if you came back then I’d be able to feel those feelings again too. I guess it didn’t work, though.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Flowey said casually. “I can’t feel empathy so your apology would be wasted on me.”

A moment of silence passed between them. Birds chirped in the distance.

“Hey,” Chara spoke up, twisting the flowerpot so Flowey looked at him head on. “Can you… do something for me?”

“What?” Flowey asked.

“I know you don’t see yourself as Asriel anymore, but can you… pretend to be him for a minute? I need to tell him something I’ve been hanging on to for a while now.”

“Uhh, sure, I guess…” Flowey said, and cleared his throat. “Whenever you’re ready.” 

Chara took a steadying breath and began to speak.

“Asriel, I… I need to tell you something. I need to tell you why the whole reason why I brought you up here.”

“What is it, Chara?” Flowey asked, mimicking his old voice as best he could as he filled his role.

“For the longest time I… I’ve always loved you Asriel. But as of late I realize… I’ve realized that I cannot allow those feelings to stay inside me. You died. You let me die and I… I can’t love you anymore because of that. I _won’t_ let myself love you anymore. And I don’t want you to love me anymore either… This is goodbye for us.”

There’s silence between them as Chara waited for Flowey’s reaction. Frisk could feel them holding their breath as if they expected the sky to come crashing down with their confession.

“Wow, Chara…” Flowey said awestruck after a moment had passed. “That must have taken a lot of guts to say… I’m sorry that I can’t say I’m moved or distraught. I can’t feel either way about it, as you know…”

“I know,” Chara sighed, an invisible weight being lifted off of their shoulders at last. The world hadn’t ended, and what’s more was Flowey seemed to readily accept the turn of events. “I just had to tell someone, and you were the closest thing there was.”

“I understand,” Flowey nodded. “I was the same way with Frisk, as you probably remember. I don’t hold it against you. These past twenty-four hours I keep expecting to feel that familiar rush he felt whenever he saw you enter a room, but it just doesn’t happen for me. I guess I was just trying to fool myself into thinking there was still something there because I thought you thought so too.”

The flower sighed, visibly more relaxed himself now that they had both come clean. 

“Hey,” Flowey spoke up after a minute or two. He looked Chara in the eye. “This is a good thing, you know.”

“It is?” Chara asked.

“Yeah. We’re both already not entirely honest around everyone else. At least now we don’t have to lie around each other. Maybe this can be a chance for us start over. You know, become new friends again from scratch.”

Involuntarily, Chara smiled.

“Yeah… I like that idea.”

* * *

Chara arrived home later that evening after an uneventful bus ride. They make a bee-line to the bed and collapse in a heap and let out a sigh of pure relief.

“ _So how do you feel?_ ” Frisk asked.

“Different,” Chara said. “Better, I think.”

“ _That’s good. I knew talking it out would help. Thanks for listening to me._ ”

“Yeah, sorry it took me so long. I was being stubborn.”

“ _So are you ready for bed? Or do you think you’ll have the nightmare again?_ ”

“I might, but I think I know this time,” Chara assured Frisk. “Let me see if I can find my way out on my own. I’ll come find you.”

“ _Good to hear. I’ll be waiting for you on the outside._ ”

“’Kay. See you soon.”

Chara let themselves gradually fall asleep that night, no troubles to slow them down. Their dream starts off with them walking down the familiar grey and silver hallway lined with countless doors. They pause at the first door they come across, hand hovering over the knob.

Wait a minute… They blinked. This was a dream. And more importantly they knew they were dreaming. And _most_ importantly they knew exactly how to get out this time. 

Chara turned and the dream warped. All around them the countless doors vanished as the illusion forfeited trying to trick them. Only one door remained. The one that led the way out.

Chara marched up to it with confidence and twisted the knob. The door opened with ease into a sunny field of golden flowers. A figure stood standing in the center, their back to them, but Chara recognized who it was immediately.

Chara exited the house and shut the door behind them without looking back. Their mind dissolved the building like mist, leaving nothing but golden flowers behind. The figure in the field turned, an expression of pride and delight on their face.

“You did it, Chara!” Frisk congratulated them, arms open, welcoming. “You found your way out! This means no more bad dreams from now on, right?”

 **”Yeah,”** Chara smiled back to meet them in their embrace. **”Thanks for waiting for me.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> herp derp, the last chapter~ Now excuse me while I go back to the first chapter and make sure my tenses are all correct, and then I can start working on part 6~ (man, I gotta hurry up and finish this series before people think I'm copying ideas from blogs like ask-drunk-chara. It's all coincidence, I swear)


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